Alone and Unobserved

Martin Millar announced on his blog a couple weeks ago that the sequel to Lonely Werewolf Girl will be titled Curse of the Wolf Girl (not Queen Vex, as I had previously reported) and will be released later this year. I’m not sure when it’ll be coming out in the U.S., but Amazon.com already has a listing for it, so I’m hopeful it won’t be too long after the UK edition.

I’m sure you have no idea how excited you should be, but believe me: a new Martin Millar book is a BIG FUCKING DEAL. And there’s still plenty of time before the sequel comes out to read his entire backlist, which is quickly coming back into print, thanks to the nice folks over at Soft Skull Press.

Here’s a review I just posted on Goodreads of a Soft Skull reprint of one of his older books:

Ruby and the Stone Age Diet by Martin Millar

My rating: 3 of 5 stars

This is perhaps the characteristic Martin Millar tale: it stars (and is narrated by) a young man with a tenuous grasp on reality and chronology who has just lost his girlfriend, and whose friend—and squatting buddy—Ruby occasionally likes to slip LSD in his tea, regale him with stories of a lonely werewolf girl, and swear off food for weeks at a time. In Ruby and the Stone-age Diet, Millar has assembled a fractured mosaic of fact, near-fact, fancy and myth that confuses and delights in equal measure. Definitely a trip.

My other Martin Millar reviews:

• Little-Known Facts That You Should Know (blog post on The Good Fairies of New York and Lonely Werewolf Girl)
• Lonely Werewolf Girl
• The Good Fairies of New York
• Lux the Poet

I have this conversation with patrons at my library far, far too often.

Patron: I need item X.

Me (reading catalog record): Looks like it’s all checked out, but there’s a copy due in a couple days. I can’t promise it’ll be brought back in time, but I can place a hold on it for you. That way you’d get the next copy that checks in.

Patron: Sounds good.

Me: All right. Where do you want to pick it up?

Patron: Library Branch Y.

[I place the hold.]

Me: Okay, you’re first in line for that item.

Patron: Uhhhhh…. maybe I should pick it up at Branch Z instead?

Me: It’s up to you. I can change the hold.

Patron: I need it as soon as possible. Which will be faster, Branch Y or Z?

Me: It probably won’t make a difference.

Patron: Well, where will it be turned in?

Me: It could be returned to any of our locations. There’s no way to know in advance.

Patron: Okay, how long would it take to get to Branch Y once it’s turned in?

Me: [Pounds head on desk]

Patron: How long would it take to get to Branch Z?

Me: [Catatonia; writhing]

Patron: I need it by Tuesday. What day did you say it would be brought back?

Me: [DEATH]

Me: S— Public Library, this is Sean.

Patron: Do you have federal tax form blanks?

Me: I’m sorry, do we have federal tax form what?

Patron: Do you have blank federal tax forms?

Me: I don’t know what you mean by “blank” forms, but we have forms that haven’t been filled out.

Patron: “Sold out”?

Me: Filled out.

Patron: (pauses, then laughs; speaks slowly) Do you have forms there for me to pick up?

Me: (internal sigh) Yes, we do.

Patron: And are they federal and state, or just federal?

Me: We have both.

Patron: Thank you. Good-bye. *click*

As you may or may not know, I use Goodreads to keep track of the books I read, and to rate and review them when I have the inclination. I recently read a book of poetry that completely blew me away, and my reaction to it turned out more like a blog entry than a review. So I thought I would cross-post it here.

The First Risk by Charles Jensen
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

I don’t remember finding out about Matthew Shepard’s slaying. I was seventeen when it happened, a self-hating closeted gay Mormon, halfway through my first semester at Brigham Young University. Did I think he deserved it, the way I thought gays deserved to die of AIDS for their sins? I hope not, but I’m afraid to remember too well.

I am the failure of the body to remain a boy,
I am the remains of a boy, the body of his failure. (“I Am the Boy Who Is Tied Down”, p. 7)

The first section—”Safe”—interweaves various viewpoints on Matthew Shepard’s last moments with three poems describing Venus’s grief at the death of Adonis. The language is brutal, visceral, and the tone moves from cold and dissociated to immediate and passionate. Reading this section, it was like I was hearing about the killing for the first time. And this time, at least, I know I didn’t think he deserved it.

When I finally came out to myself as a gay man, and began to accept myself and to stop blaming myself for who and what I was, I took an entire summer to watch what I saw as the “gay canon,” films I had been too afraid to watch until that point. One of the first of these was Almodóvar’s masterpiece, All About My Mother.

I tell you, chica,

If you want something done,
Do it with a knife. (“La Agrado Explains Plastic Surgery”, p. 25)

The second section—”City of the Sad Divas”—is a collection of poems associated with All About My Mother and its characters: Manuela, who has lost her son; La Agrado and the other transsexual hookers; Huma Rojo and her heroin-addicted lover, Nina; and the city of Barcelona itself, where much of the action takes place. In these poems, the reader does not relive the film; rather, the violence and passion and filth of the film are held at arms length, looked over with a dark and dubious eye, considered, and then let go.

I’ve always hated Alfred Hitchcock’s Vertigo, although it is often gorgeous to watch, because I never believed for a minute that any of it was happening. All of the characters annoy me, the plot annoys me, and Scottie’s obsession and eventual unraveling annoy me.

To be golden-haired means
you are destined to be idolized;

brunettes have less fun
but keep better secrets. (“Hair and Make-Up Notes, Scene 92″, p. 50)

The fourth section—”The Double Bind: A Critical Text”—presents a critical analysis of Vertigo, and includes all kind of tantalizing details about the cast, director and the narrative and directorial choices in the film. I have no idea if any of these details are true; that is not the point: they are simply too delicious to resist. Each snippet, naturally, is accompanied by an associated poem. One thing that must be said in Vertigo’s favor is that it is beautifully shot, composed and scored. Unlike the previous collection, these silky little poems do much more to evoke the actual feel of parts of the film.One result of reading this section is that I have the sudden desire to see Vera Miles play the Kim Novak role (and, really, anyone else play the Jimmy Stewart role).

I’ve already reviewed the fourth section, “The Strange Case of Maribel Dixon,” on Goodreads. I have nothing to add to that review except this:

This is good poetry.

View all my reviews on Goodreads >>

This is a phone call I received this morning at the library.

Little Old Lady: I’m computer illiterate, and I’m at a library where the people aren’t too smart. What I want to know is, the picture on the desktop, how do you make it larger or smaller?

Me: I’m sorry, ma’am, but that’s not something I can really explain over the phone [especially not to someone who is computer illiterate].

LOL: You can’t just tell me how to do it?

Me: I’m sorry, not over the phone. That’s something you’re going to need to get someone to show you in person.

LOL: No hints or anything?

Me: I’m sorry. Is there something else I can help you with?

*click*

I’m sick. Just a cold; nothing major. But it’s made me realize something: I don’t get sick very often. Oh, I call into work occasionally with a sinus headache, but my meds always kick in by the next morning and I’m (relatively) good to go. Today is the first time I’ve called into work for the second day in a row in over a year. I… just don’t usually do that. And my god, it sucks. There’s only so much television and internet and warm baths and lounging around lethargically I can take—especially when I’m kind of achy and sore-throaty and I can’t get comfortable and nothing’s really engaging.

Here’s hoping I’m feeling better by tomorrow. Better yet, tonight. Or how about… now? No? Okay, what about… NOW? Argh.

No matter how long it takes me to actually get better, I can guarantee it’s going to feel like an eternity.

2009 was a pretty hard year for me. I lost a lot of the motivation and drive to create I’d been feeling, and my desire to write and blog dried up. (Check out November—only one post in the entire month, and that was on November 30.) But it was also a great time. I made several comics, started teaching myself to draw, and read my first Vonnegut novel (The Sirens of Titan—still not sure what I thought of it).

Anyway, enough blathering. This is the same meme I did in 2007 and 2008, with a slight variation. Happy New Year!

The rules for the meme: Take the first line from the first post of every month for the last year, and post them together as a kind of cross-section of what you were blogging about during the year. Remember to link to all the posts you are excerpting. I’ve added some stats for each month to kind of get an idea of how much, and what, I was posting all year.

06 January 2009: Child of Mormonism

. . . as I started leafing through the mission papers and letters and notebooks and journals I was sucked right in. I didn’t really keep a journal when I was a teenager, so my mission writings are a fascinating glimpse at a young me who was very earnest, desperately conflicted and working very hard to reassure himself that GOD EXISTED AND THE CHURCH WAS TRUE DAMMIT. Besides my doubts and shaky faith, my mission was incredibly stressful and almost proved too much for me emotionally, and the journal entries provide a picture of a young man continually on the verge of a nervous breakdown.

Stats for January 2009:
11 posts, 1 flashfic, 70 comments

06 February 2009: Flashfic Friday!

It’s time for the new and improved Flashfic Friday, where I post something short and sweet (and, knowing me, probably gory and disturbing) every Friday, and you let me know what you think.

Stats for February 2009:
12 posts, 2 flashfic, 1 essay, 1 comic, 3 recipes, 48 comments

03 March 2009: Music Dump

I was watching Neil Gaiman perform “Creepy Doll” on YouTube with Jonathan Coulton and Paul and Storm and I realized that I only had six Jonathan Coulton songs in my iTunes. I know! Crazy, right?

Stats for March 2009:
6 posts, 32 comments

01 April 2009: Trying Out the Flock Browser

Trying out Flock, the “Social Web Browser.” So far it just seems loud and busy. But it claims to be able to post to my blog, so we’ll see. Maybe I’ll keep it around.

Stats for April 2009:
6 posts, 20 comments

03 May 2009: My Muse Is Flown

One of the first things that goes when I’m stressed, overtired or out of sorts is my creativity. Not only can I no longer write, I no long even feel the urge to, which is such a bizarre loss that it always catches me completely unprepared. Even worse, I become utterly uncreative and inflexible in my day-to-day life as well, which means I find it harder simply to deal with things. You might not realize how much creativity you use in making mundane decisions, but believe me, you’d miss it if it were gone.

Stats for May 2009:
8 posts, 20 comments

03 June 2009: Wrong Number

Her: Hi, is Amanda there? I’m [name], and I’m calling on behalf of… the fact that I’m getting induced tomorrow.

Stats for June 2009:
12 posts, 42 comments

07 July 2009: Tuesday Morning Aggravation – UPDATED!

Confused patron: Can I have the address to Nashville?

Stats for July 2009:
12 posts, 91 comments

01 August 2009: Bit Off More Than She Could Chew, Maybe

Today, a woman walked up to the reference desk and asked me for a zucchini bread recipe—any zucchini bread recipe… except she didn’t want it to “make too much.”

Stats for August 2009:
7 posts, 10 recipes, 20 comments

01 September 2009: Try Staples. It’s right down the street.

Patron: “Do you have a manila envelope?”

Stats for September 2009:
10 posts, 3 comics, 44 comments

05 October 2009: My god! It’s full of stars!

So, this is my last semester with The Library Science Program That Will Not Be Named. And—besides finishing 36 hours of coursework—in order to finish the program, students are required to submit to a Right of Passage known as the Capstone Experience.

Stats for October 2009:
7 posts, 1 flashfic, 4 comics, 38 comments

30 November 2009: Say what?

Me: WHAT IS YOUR QUESTION.

Stats for November 2009:
1 post, 3 comments

05 December 2009: The REAL Reason I’m Single

I can’t imagine being in a relationship because I do everything by myself. Almost literally everything. I sleep by myself, shop by myself, go to movies by myself, go out to eat by myself, watch TV by myself, crack jokes by myself (some of which make it on Twitter/Facebook, but not all), cook by myself, etc., etc. It’s not that I mind doing stuff with other people; it’s simply not part of my routine. And frankly, deviating from my routine annoys me. Hear that, friends? Quit asking me to do things with you. It cuts into my Farscape-watching time, goddammit.

Stats for December 2009:
5 posts (including this one), 1 recipe, 15 comments

1. What did you do in 2009 that you’d never done before?
I finished school, forever. Or rather, I finished a degree program without having another one lined up already. Hopefully I’ll give myself at least a few years before going back to school, if I ever decide to.

I decided to learn to draw.

I grew a real beard.

I fell in love with bourbon and learned to mix a yummy whiskey sour.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?


Resolutions give me hives. I haven’t made any in years.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?


I don’t know how close we are anymore, but my sister Gabrielle had my first nephew, Gabriel, in July.

4. Did anyone close to you die?


No.

5. What countries did you visit?
None except the USA.

6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?
Financial security (unlikely). Leisure time. Peace of mind. Also, I’d like to have my urge to create back. I miss it.

7. What dates from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
I dunno. None so far.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?


Everyone seems really excited about my finishing school, but I’m honestly not too proud of that achievement, since the program was a joke. An expensive, tedious, two-and-a-half-year-long joke that was not very funny.

I’m not sure what my answer is. I don’t feel like I accomplished a whole lot this year, besides remaining employed, alive and domiciled.

9. What was your biggest failure?
I haven’t engaged with my work as much as I wish I would lately. Sure, I complain a whole lot about dealing with the public and its foibles, but there’s a whole lot of professional development and side projects I could have taken on and didn’t.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Uh… no? Not that I recall. Beyond a mild cold or two and the inevitable allergies.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
Well, I’m really happy with the dirt-cheap one-speed coffee grinder I bought Craig for his birthday. But the best money I spent was probably to get my Macbook, which I love and curse in equal measure.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Eh. This question fails to inspire me at the moment.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?


Joe Lieberman’s, Glenn Beck’s and Rush Limbaugh’s. Also: all the teabaggers, the town-hall-meeting crashers and the entire complement of Fox News.

14. Where did most of your money go?
To food. As usual.

15. What did you get really excited about?
My birthday party, which was pretty sweet!

16. What song will always remind you of 2009?
“Bulletproof” and “Tigerlily” by La Roux, “Turkish Wine” by Norfolk & Western, and “The End of the World” by Matt Alber.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:


– happier or sadder? Sadder, a little at least.
– thinner or fatter? Fatter, by, like, twenty pounds. Ugh.
– richer or poorer? Richer, at least in a sense.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?


Reading. Writing. Singing. Drawing. Dating. Dancing. Exercising.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?


Eating when I wasn’t hungry. Avoiding social contact. Procrastinating.

20. How did you spend Christmas?


With my family in Southern California.

21. Did you fall in love in 2009?
Nope.

22. What was your favorite TV program?


Venture Bros, no question.

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?


No.

24. What was the best book you read?
This is the year I read and finally loved Susanna Clarke’s The Ladies of Grace Adieu, a collection of stories from the same milieu as Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell. I’d read it before and not loved it; this year I read it and fell completely under its spell.

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?

Blip.fm and Grooveshark.

26. What did you want and get?
A new computer. Any number of little things—the Avatar: The Last Airbender complete boxed sets; several T-shirts and items from Topatoco; any amount of booze and food. Time with my family. Time with my friends.

27. What did you want and not get?
I’m still single, and I’m still probably not that ready for a relationship. I still haven’t started writing a novel. I still haven’t started writing regularly. I still haven’t started drawing regularly.

28. What was your favorite film of this year?
Where the Wild Things Are. Really wasn’t expecting even to like it, and it blew me away.

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 29 this year. On my birthday I didn’t do anything really exciting—I worked that morning, and then treated myself to a late lunch at a favorite café. But that weekend my friend and coworker Stephanie and I threw a fabulous joint birthday bash for ourselves that was crowded, rowdy, booze-drenched and littered with balloons.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Hmmm. More time with friends, maybe? A boyfriend? More money? Less school? Less procrastination? Not sure.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?
“I’m Too Fat for All of My Clothes, So I’ll Just Throw Something On.”

32. What kept you sane?


Twitter. No question.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Um. I can’t tell you until next year, when he’s finally legal. LOL

Aside from jailbait who starred in movies I refused to watch, I also fell back in love with Colin Firth’s Mr Darcy.

34. What political issue stirred you the most?


Health care. The fact that we call ourselves civilized while so many of our fellow citizens are un- and under-insured and receive substandard medical care just boggles my mind.

35. Who did you miss?


My niece Vienna, whom I haven’t seen in almost two years.

36. Who was the best new person you met?


New this year? I’d probably have to split it between Lessie, Galen, Hilary and Nick. [Edited to add:] And most of all, Chandelle.

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009.


I am resistant to life lessons.

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.


I’m terrible at this game. Uh… “make a little birdhouse in your soul.”

[H/T to Sundry for posting this quiz so I could steal it, again.]

Patron: What day of the week is January 27?

Me: It’s a Wednesday.

(a minute later)

Patron: So what day is the 25th?

Me: It would be a Monday.

Patron: Really??

Me: …well, if the 27th is a Wednesday, then yes.

Patron: Oh, because I swear I looked it up on the calendar and the 25th was a Sunday.

Me: Maybe you were looking at last January?

Patron: You know what, that’s probably it.

If you somehow managed to miss the initial announcements and the subsequent angst-filled updates on Twitter, I spent Christmas at my family’s house for the first time in a few years.

What can I say? It was . . . an experience. Mostly a good one, actually! The older of my two younger brothers got married; his wife seems really nice, and they seem like a good fit as a couple. I got to see my new nephew, Gabe, who is a drooling, squirming butterball composed entirely of smiles and fun. My aunt Daisy came up for Christmas, and brought her nephew (my cousin) Josh with her. So that was fun. And I was reminded once again how much I have in common with each member of my family. (Click on the photo below to view the whole set on Flickriver.)

I was also reminded, once again, of how little I have in common with them, because every other sentence seemed to be about religion. I got to practice my vacant, noncommittal “mmmhmmm” smile a lot. But I tried not to let that bother me. After all, their religion is an enormous part of their lives—it’s hard to make non-Mormons understand exactly how much—and it would probably be impossible for them to avoid the subject entirely. I just wish they were more open to talking about things that are an enormous part of my life, such as atheism, or me being gay, or drunk karaoke.

Highlights of my time with my family:

• My brother’s wedding (for real—his wife seems really nice, and I’m very happy for him)
• Being asked if I’m married yet by people who should goddamn well know better
• Having to smile and be pleasant to people who I know for a fact contributed to the Yes on 8 campaign last year (including my dear parents)
• Listening to my dad try to explain why I might still get married without mentioning (or admitting) that I’m gay, to someone who obviously did know better
• My poor Nana, whose health and faculties are failing, to the point where all she seems to say is “help me”
• My parents wanting to talk about the lack of DNA evidence for the Book of Mormon, and why that doesn’t prove the Book of Mormon isn’t true
• Going without coffee for several days straight, and without booze of any kind for a full eleven, even though I’ve never needed to be caffeinated and drunk more

One thing’s for sure: the next time I go visit my family, I’m renting a car so I can go to Starbucks whenever I want.