Alone and Unobserved

I don’t have internet access at my apartment right now, and both I and my roommate are about to have nervous breakdowns from frustration. Unfortunately, without convenient access to the internet, it is much harder to go online and look for ISPs. To make matters even more fun, the websites I’ve found that are devoted to the topic are all confusing, malfunctioning, or are selling a product not yet available in my area–or all three at once, in the case of Verizon Broadband’s overachiever site. I just want to get a high-speed internet connection that costs almost nothing–and I want it yesterday. Is that too much to ask?