Christmas in Utah
It looks like I’ll be up in Salt Lake for Christmas. I work Christmas Eve, and it’s just too much trouble to get down to California that night and come back two days later–besides costing an entire paycheck.
I’m not sure how I feel about this. I haven’t seen my parents since I told them I was gay and leaving the Church, and a part of me wants to put that reunion off as long as possible, and when it happens, to make sure it’s on my terms. Another part of me really wanted to go down to see them this Christmas, to demonstrate that my filial love and devotion have survived my rejecting their values and religion. Now that I can’t go, I’m not sure whether to feel stymied or relieved.
It occurs to me that I’m a complex person. I shall allow myself to feel both.
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