To Be or not to Be: The Santa Claus Question
Most of the people I know believed in Santa when they were little. Most of the parents I know at least allow this belief in their children, if they don’t actively foster it. This was not my mother’s way, and I am grateful for that. Instead of lying to us (what other word is there?) or even deceiving us by remaining silent, she made it clear from the time we were in diapers that Santa Claus was not a person but a role that fathers played. In our family, Santa was Dad, and Mrs. Claus was Mom.
After my sister and I started school, we had a few run-ins with the other children about the existence of Santa, so my mother had to make sure we understood that, while most kids were deceived about the nature of Santa Claus, it would be cruel for us to undeceive them; that was their parents’ job.
When justifying the Santa myth, people that I’ve talked to speak of the “magic of Christmas,” and how cruel it is to deprive a child of that even from the outset. My response is that it is cruel to lie to a sweet, innocent, gullible infant for any reason. I always hated the original Miracle on 34th Street because Natalie Woods’s character has been so warped by her disbelief in Santa Claus that there is no warmth left in her heart. This runs entirely contrary to my experience. We didn’t have Santa, but we had a warm, inviting family celebration, with more than enough holiday spirit to go around. There was no magic about where our presents came from, but that was probably for the best, given our circumstances. Our Christmas wish lists were always short, sweet, and semi-affordable. We knew our parents could hardly buy us clothes, so it was obvious they would have to budget to buy even the most reasonable of presents. I doubt we would have been so down to earth if we had thought a fat elf in a sleigh brought our gifts for free.
In the end, though, I think this is about honesty and integrity. My mother demonstrated that she would not lie to us under any circumstances, no matter how “fun” or “magical” the deception; in turn we learned we could trust her. If I ever have children, I hope I can be half the parent my mother was for us.
[Edited one time, to change "Miracle on 42nd Street" to "Miracle on 34th Street."]
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December 7th, 2005 at 6:00 am
As you will possibly know from my comments on the EDS board, I disagree with you on this. I still say it is wonderful to see the faces of children who still believe in Santa. There is so much in the world already which will make them cynical enough.
You will likely say, “Yeah–like finding out your parents have been LYING to you about Santa.” But we tell children so many things: “Hard work pays off.” “The early bird gets the worm.” “Sticks & stones can break your bones but names will never hurt you.” I really do not see this as “lying” (though they are all clearly NOT TRUE) so much as reflecting a belief in something better.
But I don’t really have a strong opinion on the subject one way or another.
December 7th, 2005 at 8:38 am
Notice that I went the coward’s route and posted this here, instead of on the EDS board, where I was completely outnumbered by the pro-Santa crowd. ;-)
In my opinion, the examples you quote are less untrue than they are idealistic. I can see how a parent might actually believe them; I woul be worried by a parent who actually believed in Santa Claus. I’m not sure how closely I would be willing to compare teaching your child one-sentence idealistic proverbs and mounting a campaign to make him or her believe in Santa Claus.
That is not to say that I like the idea of teaching your child to be an idealist; I think spouting proverbs is a parenting cop-out. There are plenty of true things you could say to your child in a moment of need that would work better than a platitude.
A slight amendment to my original post: If I end up raising children with someone else, I wouldn’t be one hundred percent opposed to teaching our kids about Santa, but I can imagine myself not wanting to have much to do with it.