Rage
When I formally resigned from the Mormon Church back in October, I felt no bitterness, only vast relief. I should have known it was too good to last. Over the past few days I have experienced a growing feeling of obsessive anger towards my former religion. Perhaps I don’t want to admit to myself how frustrated I am with my family, so I’m taking it out on the church I partially blame for their actions. Whatever the underlying reasons, I’ve gone out of my way to scratch the scab of my discontent by finding out every bad thing I can about the Mormon Church. I’ve checked books out of the library, read the above-mentioned “Recovery” boards, and surfed anti-Mormon and atheist websites. I don’t know how it snuck up on me, but there it is: I’ve turned into the kind of ex-Mormon I always told myself I would never be.
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June 6th, 2006 at 5:49 am
Remember it works for some and sometimes it doesn’t work. ‘IT’ being anything or a more specific thing in this sense, religion. Now the juxtaposition made in the above post (I know I should be posting there, but this one had a more adequate title.) It says that here the same church is stating two different things and not to defend it becuase to me it is simply nothing but a social iron gripping fist squelching anything remotely alternitive. But they always have claimed, maybe as to cover their so very carefully placed footsteps, they have always said that it’s a modern chruch lead by modern revelation (read: CNN’s,FOX’s, et al. news ticker at the bottom of the screen :).) So an ever changing stance is what they are all about, but in the dark conclaves of doctrine they still belive that we get to have celestial missionary style coital sex with many many many wives.
I hate it when I just start typing, it’s like when I talk. I just keep going and going and going, not heeding anything not even everyone else’s time, the time they would take to read this.
Anyways, what I was going to say is that it works for some people. Being an anti-zealot doesn’t change them nor does it really effect them (I don’t know if you can use nor in that sense, it seems to be a double-negative.) Remember all the bashing you have done in your life for and now against this religion. The only thirst it is really satisifying is yours and the thirst is in all reality the thirst to be above these people mentally. To be right about their wrongs. Not to just look at them go, you know you are different and you are trying to be happy or you are happy and that makes me happy.
There is a whole ‘nother (LOOK MA! I’m FROM UUUUTAH!!) side of that argument I’m making for you in my head. Which states that these supposed people who are happy really are not doing anything to help you feel better accepted in your social settings, a freedom we should all have. Instead most are doing the opposite. In retort to your imaginary argument in my head I say. At least they are still excercising their freedom to voice their opinion. That freedom is being skewered as we speak.