Alone and Unobserved

In honor of National Coming Out Day 2006, I submit the following.

Here I am.

I am a gay American. I have been gay as long as I remember. I was gay even when I was little and didn’t know what made me different from the other little boys. I was gay when I was twelve and had a crush on the same guy as my sister but had to keep it hidden while she talked of nothing else. I was gay when I was fifteen and pretended (badly) to be turned on by girls. I was gay when I was 22 and had my first–and only–girlfriend. I was gay when I was 23 and finally admitted to myself that I was gay. I was gay when I was 24 and finally told my parents that I was gay. And I am still gay now, a month before I turn 26.

I didn’t choose to be gay, and there were times when I would rather have been dead than be gay, but I have learned to accept and take joy in myself as I am. To be honest, if I had the choice to make now, I would choose to remain a homosexual, because I like me, I like the way I am, and my sexuality is an integral part of that.

I am also a gay ex-Mormon. As a Mormon, I learned to hate myself for being myself; as an ex-Mormon, I have learned to accept and love myself regardless of myself. I did not leave Mormonism to find myself, but in leaving, that is what I have begun to do.

Here I am. I am a gay American. I am a gay ex-Mormon. I am me.

[Here is a link to the Human Rights Campaign's new pamphlet on dealing with coming out for straight friends of gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgendered people. It's not the best-written pamphlet I've ever seen, but they mean well, bless their hearts--and if you mean well, go read it anyway!]