In Which I Watch American Idol So You Don’t Have To
I just watched American Idol again tonight, and I have the sad, sad duty to inform you that tonight’s episode has surpassed last week in unwatchableness in almost every way. The bright spot: J.Lo., who was miles better as a coach/cheerleader than the decrepit and obsolete fossil that Tony Bennett has become. The way she gushed over Blake is almost enough for me to forgive her for liking Sanjaya. A few specifics:
- Melinda Doolittle has stepped off her pedestal to become one of the regular singers. You know, the ones who occasionally get negative feedback from the judges. Or who sometimes FORGET THEIR WORDS. That’s right, she messed up the lyrics to “Sway,” in English, on national television. She still sounded pretty amazing, though, so don’t feel too sorry for her.
- LaKisha needs to invest in a full-length mirror. Yes, she is overweight, but there are ways of flattering almost any figure. And the fuchsia explosion she was wearing tonight would not flatter anyone.
- Chris Richardson should just shut up and look gorgeous, because he sure can’t sing worth a darn. And no dancing for him, ever again! Just hold still and smile. And make my heart melt into sweet, sweet clarified buttah.
- Everyone else was blah, blah, boring, blah until Blake, who was my daddy again with the best performance of the night, and then Sanjaya . . . who didn’t suck nearly as bad as he has in the past, even if his Spanish was completely gringo and his facial hair repulsive.
[Note: I really wonder where they get off calling it "Latin themed" when only one of the singers attempted to sing in Spanish, and two of them sang Santana songs that were originally sung by noted non-Latino Rob Thomas and little-noted non-Latino group "The Product G&B."]
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April 12th, 2007 at 11:22 am
I’m told next week is country-themed. My predictions:
1. Chris and Melinda have the strongest advantage coming into next week’s theme.
2. A lot of the performances will be gospel/country crossovers.
3. Sanjaya will wear a mullet under a John Deere cap.
….Craig
April 13th, 2007 at 8:20 pm
1: If you mean that Chris cannot sing and thus won’t have to hold anything back during country week, you are absolutely right. I’m not sure what you’re implying Melinda’s advantage is.
2: I fully expect most of the contestants to edge as far away from the chosen genre as possible—not so much because it’s country, but because that’s what they do every week. Well, and because it’s country.
3: Your guess is as good as mine as far as Sanjaya goes. Unless you turn out to be right, and then your guess was better than mine.
I have a confession to make: Big & Rich played this week on Dancing with the Stars, and I didn’t hate their music. Of course, Wikipedia says that they aren’t considered “real” country by “purists,” so maybe my soul is still my own.