Alone and Unobserved

I didn’t like the original Hellboy movie. I don’t remember hating it, but I apparently found it forgettable, because I certainly don’t remember the plot. In fact, when I was talking to a friend about it last night, I was convinced it had come out at least two years before its actual release date (2004) because I could recall so little about it. So when Pan’s Labyrinth came out in 2006, marketed as being “by Guillermo del Toro, the director of Hellboy!”, I put off seeing it for months until the word-of-mouth (and the Oscar nomination) finally crushed my resistance.

Pan’s Labyrinth, it turned out, was one of the best films of that year, and it remains one of my favorite movies of all time. So when the Hellboy II trailers came out, and seemed like Pan’s Labyrinth reborn, I was all aquiver with delight. I was willing to forgive del Toro for the first Hellboy if the second turned out half as wonderful as the previews seemed to promise.

Unfortunately, for all its eerie, decadent splendor, Hellboy II is a fairly stupid movie. The plot is implausible, and not the “there’s a troll market under the Brooklyn Bridge” kind of implausible, but the “why didn’t they just kill him as soon as he showed up, thus saving themselves an entire movie-full of trouble?” kind of implausible. Things happened because the story demanded they happen, not because those things made any sense. The plot also hinges on several relationships—romantic, platonic and familial—that I didn’t believe FOR A SECOND.

The Dark Knight, on the other hand . . . The Dark Knight is everything we were promised by the previews and more. Heath Ledger is terrifying, gruesome, psychopathic and gleeful as the foul, capering, murderous Joker. The story is thick, intricate and meaty, while never losing focus or slowing down for an instant—bank heists are followed by skyscraper cat burglary is followed by hostage crises are followed by explosion after explosion after explosion. Christian Bale, Maggie Gyllenhaal and Aaron Eckhart form a believable love triangle, with believable consequences. Gary Oldman plays a family man whose job puts his family on the line. Michael Caine and Morgan Freeman return as the wise, cheeky and unflappable butler and CEO/gadget guru. Plus: Heath Ledger as the Joker in drag!

I saw these two films almost back to back, and the contrast is stark: Hellboy II doesn’t even work as a movie, while The Dark Knight transcends the genre of “comic book adaptations” and shows us what a comic book adaptation can be.

Next up: Watchmen, whose teaser trailer played before The Dark Knight, due out in 2009. Here’s hoping it’s awesome like The Dark Knight instead of crappy and irritating like Hellboy II.