In Which My Quest to Make My Blog Truly Alone and Unobserved Proceeds Apace
I know already that this is where I may lose more religious readers, even some of the ones who made it past yesterday’s labyrinthine treatise on privilege, but I have to say it: calling your gay friends and family to repentance is not okay.
Scot blogs about his husband and twin sons over at Cog. Recently he mentioned that his father and sister had gotten into an argument when his sister said she didn’t agree with Scot’s choices—choices that include marrying a wonderful man and raising two incredible boys. Half of his family agrees with his sister; half agrees with his father.
A gay blogger friend of mine was recently blindsided by a series of vicious, anonymous comments that attacked his integrity, his faith and his worth . . . comments which, it turns out, were posted from his Mormon uncle’s IP address.
Two awesome gay fathers who blog at Family Blend were treated to a pages-long tirade by another semi-anonymous commenter who called them to task for daring to equate their relationship with that of a heterosexual couple’s and for not living up to the Mormon church’s standards. Yet again, the vituperative commenter strongly implied that she knows them personally.
To these people, I say, you are not the Prophet of the Almighty. You do not have a mandate from heaven to correct every person in the world. You are not showing love by aggressively confronting and remonstrating your friends and family for ‘living the gay lifestyle’ or ‘warping’ the children they are raising; you are showing that you are an insensitive asshat who cares more about imaginary, arbitrary rules than the feelings and needs of the real people around you. You and religious bigots like you are the ones who drive families apart, ruin relationships and perpetuate anti-gay rhetoric and violence. You ought to be ashamed.
Stop trying to rewrite the experiences of those around you to fit within your narrow view. Stop trying to force those around you to conform to your claustrophobic idea of “righteousness.” LET GO. And love. And live.
To the rest of you, those of you religious folk who are tolerant and understanding and (hopefully) supportive, keep on going. Some of you belong to faiths that are gay-accepting; others of you belong to faiths that are currently massing their forces to beat the gays back at the polls in the fall. Whatever your situation is, thanks for showing us who our true friends are.
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August 26th, 2008 at 9:38 pm
Word. Well said Sean.
I am consistently amazed by how much energy is wasted by individuals trying to force others to become “like” them. Why can’t we all just be ourselves? Why can’t we all love and live however we want? It kills me. It’s 2008 for gosh sakes.
August 26th, 2008 at 9:45 pm
it’s a little sad that it’s the most “religious” people who are the meanest. I guess the whole Christians being known as the loving people thing has gotten flipped on it’s head. sux.
August 26th, 2008 at 11:34 pm
Yeah, it is weird. I just think it would take so much energy to care that much about what others are doing, not to mention the energy it would take to work yourself up into such a frenzy and then sound off about it.
Whatever. I just try to avoid people like that now. I am too busy living my fabulously sinful life to spend time listening to their harangues and reading their screeds.
August 27th, 2008 at 8:48 am
I know you jest when you refer to living your “sinful” life Sean, or at least I hope you do, because my little bear is one of the most awesome people I have ever known, and it is a privelege to be your relation.
I think Ellen put it best when she interviewed John McCain on her show. In response to him saying that although he thinks we should have rights when it comes to healthcare, etc, that marriage should be “one man and one woman”. Ellen’s response to this was “so I can sit “here”, but not “there”, taking us all back to the ridiculous time when black people were allowed to ride the bus, but only at the back.
On a more humorous note, isn’t there theoretically one “man” and one “woman” in every relationship? Your Uncle Willy asked me who the “man” was in my relationship, and before I could answer, his longtime companion Anne, said “whoever reaches in the headboard first…”
If you haven’t seen the interview…here it is:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A7addd1-SY8&feature=related
August 27th, 2008 at 9:24 am
damn sis, i clicked on that link expecting to see a video of anne, you and i discussing “who the man is?” :D
hey sean… i know we don’t see much of each other but i do have a question for you… who’s the woman in your relationship? :D actually, i couldn’t care less about sexual orientation. i believe we should all be free to make our own way in life and as long as we aren’t interfering with anyone else efforts to make their own way, that we should stay out of each others business. gay or straight it’s no ones business but your own.
by the way… does your mom know about this? or have you left her some room for denile? 8)
August 27th, 2008 at 10:36 am
Thanks for the comments, guys. I agree—dictating to another person what makes that person happy is futile. Find out what makes you happy and explore that!
As for my mother—she knows, although she would really rather she didn’t. She ignores it as much as possible, but I’ve told her I’ll only put up with that kind of behavior while I’m single, and if she ever ignores the existence of one of my relationships again WE WILL HAVE WORDS. Or worse, we’ll have another fun period where we aren’t talking to each other. It is up to her.
August 27th, 2008 at 12:29 pm
It astounds me to no end that people keep trying to berate their homosexual loved ones into heterosexuality. Yeah, that is an effective and Christian strategy. I always really feel loved and motivated to change when I’m told I’m an evil loser.
August 27th, 2008 at 10:51 pm
Man, I call my friends to repentance all the damn time. Of course, it’s usually over the shoes they’re wearing and not personal sexual preferences but — let’s face it — they’re kind of the same thing. Sorry! Forgivisies?
August 29th, 2008 at 1:28 pm
Miss L, they aren’t even close to the same thing. Shoes are far, FAR more important.
August 29th, 2008 at 7:53 pm
Don’t worry, Miss L! As the Fug Girls have taught us, calling someone to repentance for crime against fashion is one of the highest callings of humankind.
September 25th, 2008 at 10:33 pm
heh. in addition to my sisters’ “I’m praying for you”s and the phantom novenas (it’s xmas! we’ve payed some guys to dress in robes and say words for you and your heathen lover’s souls!), I managed to get put on a Catholic mailing list. Which meant I got sent a bunch of requests for money for Jesus (although, I also got about 30¢—some of them send nickels!)
September 26th, 2008 at 10:07 am
I wish Mormon mailing lists gave out nickels.