Alone and Unobserved

Dear J. Crew:

While I haven’t bought anything in your store or at your website since purchasing that grotesquely oversized saddlebag two years ago—at which point I gave you both my email and physical addresses in order to receive a significant discount on said item—I appreciate receiving your catalog every month. As I have no use for women’s clothes, women’s jewelry or women*, I always page immediately to the back one-seventh of the catalog and look through the menswear section. This gives me literally seconds of enjoyment before the catalog ends up adorning either my trashcan or my settee.

I have one complaint, however, and one request.

You know that I’m not reading your catalog for the clothes, right? So why do only one or two of the menswear pages feature attractive models, as opposed to the majority of the womenswear pages? Is the lesbian vote more important than mine?

On the same note: in the future, please make sure to feature the following model in all of your catalogs, instead of only in most of them. I think we can both agree that “most” is not good enough when it comes to Mr. Teh Hotness.

Mr. Teh Hotness, as currently featured on jcrew.com

Mr. Teh Hotness 2

Thank you.

Sincerely yours, &c.,

Sean Tibbitts

* Ladies, I kid! I of course exempt black pencil skirts, drop earrings, my mother and my sisters** from this unfair generalization. (back)

** Well, some of my sisters. (back)