Gender-Conformity FAIL
In honor of Transgender Awareness Day, I’d like to take this opportunity to come out of the closet.
I am a supporter of transgender rights. First, I support the existence of transgender people. The gender binary—where everyone is slotted into either “male” or “female” roles, with societally approved modes of expression and activities—is false. It does not describe reality, no matter how much certain religions talk about the sacred eternal nature of the gendered soul. Being transgender is not a disease, it is not a perversion, and it is not a disorder.
Second, I support the equality of transgender people. In many states and jurisdictions (including my own) it is still legal to fire transgender people from their job or evict them from their homes simply because of their gender identity or gender expression. Trangender people are many times more likely to be murdered than a cisgender person, and they are also far more likely to be poor, unemployed, depressed and homeless.
I would also like to come out in another sense: I am transgender. I do not consider myself exclusively male or exclusively female, and I never have. It’s time for me to be open about that. Some days, sometimes, I feel very masculine; some days, sometimes, I feel very feminine; and most of the time I feel pretty androgynous. Sure, I usually wear what our society deems “male” clothing, and I have a “male” haircut and hairstyle, and people use the pronouns “he,” “him” and “his” to describe me. But a lot of that is me trying to cover up who I really am: a person with a fairly fluid, non-traditional gender identity.
What is your gender identity? What are your thoughts on transgender issues? Will you come out today as an ally or as a transgendered individual?
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November 20th, 2008 at 11:23 pm
in a way I sort of agree *and* disagree with the idea that gender is part of your eternal soul.
agree: gender–be it gay, straight, male, female, transgender, ungendered, whatever–is part of your identity. and I think identity is both eternal and sacred.
disagree: with the neat boxes. we don’t all fit. and it baffles me why people think we *should.*
November 21st, 2008 at 12:48 am
Sometimes I feel pretty androgynous, or masculine. I have a boyish hair cut, and I tend to wear “male” clothing. But I definitely identify myself as a female. I can be quite feminine when I want to be, and I definitely have a female body with curves in all the right places, and I like that about myself.
In Native culture, we call people who are gay/transgendered/etc. two-spirited. And I think I’m that way. Or, I know, at least I like to think I’m that way. Two-spirited people are regarded as special souls with higher powers.
To be honest, this isn’t something I’ve given a lot of thought about until now. It’s interesting.
November 21st, 2008 at 2:45 am
I also consider myelf to be transgender by the fact that I don’t at all conform to the standard of “masculinity”. But I think that the very fact that I’m gay already means that I’ve broken a gender norm and am in that way transgender.
I honestly don’t know what it would mean to identify as exclusively masculine all the time. Like Sean, I also feel very fluid and androgynous and really, I’m just me, not “male” , not “female”, just Craig.
November 21st, 2008 at 10:08 am
I agree with Tashina “Sometimes I feel pretty androgynous, or masculine. I have a boyish hair cut, and I tend to wear “male” clothing. But I definitely identify myself as a female.” Although I do not, and never have had “curves in all the right places”.
I don’t really identify with either. I am not feminie, and never have been. Due to my female characteristics, I have not identified as male either (although for as long as I can remember, I thought having a penis would make going to the bathroom a lot easier). I have dressed like a “man”, whenever circumstances have allowed, and have felt awkward in and uncomfrotable in “womens” clothing.
It took me a long time to not care about what people thought of me and the way I dress & present myself, but I am finally there. But it took many, many years to get here. I am who I am, neither one nor the other, somewhere in-between.
That being said, if I had to define myself I would definitely say I am transgender for lack of a better description.
And as always, I end this comment with saying I am Sean’s Aunt, and I could not be more proud to be related to someone who, against all odds (being brought up in an unusually strict narrow-focused home), has become one of the most thought provoking men that I know. Thank you for making me think. Thank you for being you, and most of all, thank you for being such a great transgendered nephew!
November 21st, 2008 at 10:44 am
The first time I learned of the term “genderqueer,” I thought, “That’s totally me.” I was happy to know that there were other people like me, women who really didn’t enjoy all of the trappings of femininity but also didn’t, perhaps “feel like men.” Just somewhere in the middle, and it varies from day to day, but by and large I have always felt more comfortable with men, and I believe that I think more like a man (not because these differences are inherent but because I somehow deflected most of the gender training I received), and I would dress more like a man if my body wasn’t so stubbornly female. I feel really comfortable with this now, especially because my husband is very feminine and somewhat genderqueer in his own way, though he resists labels.
November 21st, 2008 at 1:56 pm
This is an interesting question. I’ve had some discussions with a good friend (who happens to be a social worker and my bishop) about gender, and how both gender and sexuality are actually spectrums rather than discrete positions. I’ve never felt particularly masculine (not very interested in sports, don’t care much for violence, not rugged, tend to be more emotional, tend to be more artistic, feel more comfortable with women than men, etc). Does that mean I’m somewhat transgender? Or does that mean that many of those stereotypes are artificial and that there really aren’t any inherent gender differences? I agree with Kerry about the problem of even having these little boxes. But since we do categorize things as feminine and masculine: I don’t like to think of myself as feminine, but is that simply because I’ve been culturally biased against male femininity?
“shut up, Derek; navel gazing is so girly!”
;)
(Ironically, my wife and I have found that we often reverse the stereotypes: My wife won’t ask directions to save her life while I will head for help first thing; I like to talk and am eager to do so about feelings while my wife tends to be more reticent; She loves math and engineering while I am more into abstract concepts, art, etc; our sexual tendencies seem to be reversed, etc)
I’ve wondered the same thing about sexuality. I identify entirely as hetero, and can’t imagine being sexually interested in another man. But is that because I’m at the far end of the spectrum, or because I’ve been indoctrinated to find the concept “icky”?
In any case, I’m certainly in favor of making people comfortable with who they are regardless of how it fits into cultural stereotypes. Heaven knows that I’m still in some ways emotionally dealing with the repercussions of not fitting those stereotypes! If supporting transgender awareness facilitates greater acceptance, I’m in.
November 22nd, 2008 at 6:03 pm
Sean, I agree with you on transgender rights. I feel human. I believe that in being human we have a range of feelings and desires that go beyond societal definitions. I am against discrimination. I believe that nature inherently thrives on diversity. We should celebrate it.
November 23rd, 2008 at 1:10 am
I’ve often said that I want to get rid of the concept of gender altogether. I feel like it creates a false dichotomy–it can’t be healthy to group people by their genitalia and assign behaviors and tasks by such a petty thing (I could go on, but I think I may just do my own blog post about this).
My own gender-identity feels very fluid (like many others have said they feel). Some “feminine” behaviors (fashion, sometimes), I enjoy, but there are some things about me that are definitely masculine (I sometimes wear men’s underwear, I have since high school; I tend to speak up, rather than defer to others; I tend to be intellectually competitive). Like everybody, I don’t fit the norm.
November 23rd, 2008 at 9:25 pm
Actually I’m a bit surprised to read a lot here (post and comments) labelled as ‘transgender’ but which really seems to be describing gender fluidity. I’ve never seen the word transgender used that way (though I have heard people describe being both), and in the way I have heard it used (by people in the transgender community) casts it very much as a disorder – GID or Gender Identity Disorder – where people do not just feel that they don’t conform to their assigned gender, but actually feel that they have the wrong body for their gender identity.
But leaving aside terms and definitions, that’s a very interesting and personal post. I tend to enjoy the company of people who are fluid in terms of gender and gender roles. They are inherently outside-the-box thinkers and that is a really attractive quality. I can’t quite decide whether I fit the category of gender fluid (in any measure) or not. I do lots of things, and have lots of behaviours, that fit more into the traditional ‘masculine’ category, but I don’t see any of those things as non-feminine. I’ve never identified as anything but female, but when I try to define what ‘female’ or ‘feminine’ are, I can’t nail it down. The moment I find an aspect I think might fit the description, the opposite seems just as valid. In the end I had to acknowledge that I identify as female, and that I may never really be able to define what that means, and that I might as well be cool with that. And I have to say that anyone who thinks gender is truly limited to the binary model is not living in the real world.
November 24th, 2008 at 5:04 pm
chosha, a month ago I wouldn’t have used the word “transgender” in this way, or applied the word to myself. But a couple of weeks ago, the University of Utah’s Queer Student Union sponsored a discussion of transgender issues in honor of Transgender Awareness Month, and the two transgender students who led the discussion presented one accepted definition of a transgender person as being anyone who fails to fit within the gender binary. So that’s the definition I’m using here. Genderqueer and gender fluid are also perfectly fine (and, in a sense, more specific) words that might describe my personal experience, but in solidarity with other transgender individuals I decided to use the broader term.
November 27th, 2008 at 3:12 pm
Well they just taught me something new, too. :) I always thought that the Q in GLBTQ was the one that kind of covered anyone who didn’t quite fit neatly into the others. But words change, definitions adapt and broaden. And this was a perfect occasion to go for solidarity.
December 24th, 2008 at 4:20 pm
there is a great amount of bravey and honesty in these postings and that’s really made my day :)
As for myself , I don’t feel an ambiguity about my gender , nor does the prospect of some alternative and transcendent gender type intrigue me , describe me or even strike a recognition.( But for those of you out there identifying as gender queer and loving it , I recognize and celebrate your Identity) Quite simply I am a female , and I feel this with absolute certainty! I am a 34 year old caucasian woman.
But….
I express my apparent sex as an XY pheno-type , and on some really bad gender dysmorphia days I am convinced I look like a wookie.( I got photo evidence .)
In the last six months my whole life has become a daily classroom on gender, and the lessons are illuminating , often vague and insubstantial, more often than not painful. Perhaps , I’ll blog about them someday and in talking about them make some more sense and use of them! I find as a female , that some of my best analysist/ making sense of it all occurs when I’m communicating with someone or someones:)
take care.
December 24th, 2008 at 4:37 pm
Thanks for the comment, Bobbie. If you do end up blogging about your experience, I’m sure there are a lot of people who would be interested in reading it.
January 1st, 2009 at 7:52 pm
“I tend to speak up, rather than defer to others; I tend to be intellectually competitive”
I would describe myself in those terms too, but for me, those are very feminine traits. Like chosha, I was thrown off a bit by the use of the term “transgender” here. I think there is a wide difference between “female identity” and “female stereotypes”. In some ways I am “stereotypically male” if we are looking at 1950s versions of genders – I speak up, I take the lead, I have opinions, I hate housework, etc. But I was raised to view these things as acceptable traits in any person, female or male. My identity as a female is much deeper – I am a woman. It’s convenient that, in my case, my biology unambiguously matches my psychology. I know there are many people out there who have a gender identity different than their assigned one. People who might be in a “male” body but feel every bit as sincerely female as I do. I can’t imagine the strength and self-awareness it would take to stand up for that realization and live as you feel God intended you. You have my deep respect, and I too, with all the others here, want to celebrate your story.