Alone and Unobserved

I watched the movie Alien last night, and, since there was no one present to make snarky comments to, I turned to Twitter. That’s right, I live-Twittered the movie! Below are all 28 updates, from the first (which presciently prefigured all the mayhem in store) to the last (which presciently prefigures the fact that Alien has a SEQUEL).

(I stopped the film several times, which is why the timestamps run 129 minutes while the film only runs 117.)

[ 2008-12-30 22:35:01 ]
Eating brown rice & Quorn and watching Alien. They’re approaching the face-hugger nest NO DON’T GO OVER THERE!!!

[ 2008-12-30 22:40:19 ]
Someone’s face is about to get hugged. Don’t say I didn’t warn you, mister!

[ 2008-12-30 22:55:07 ]
FACE=HUGGED (also, @ping.fm = back?)

[ 2008-12-30 23:05:14 ]
Ack! Chestburster! CHESTBURSTER!!!!

[ 2008-12-30 23:10:05 ]
None of you are safe! It’s a ship of death you are on!! DEEEAAAAAAATH!!!!! (I wish I had some popcorn.)

[ 2008-12-30 23:22:37 ]
The alien just sucker-punched him. With its MOUTH. I call unfair advantage.

[ 2008-12-30 23:28:37 ]
Now a guy is crawling through tight ducts w/ flamethrower. Even w/o a killer alien, that’s the kind of situation that does not end well.

[ 2008-12-30 23:32:32 ]
I can’t believe they can’t track something that produces that much snot. And–yup, he just put his hand in it YUM

[ 2008-12-30 23:37:42 ]
It just wanted to hug you, man! Stop screaming and struggling! The alien is FILLED WITH LOVE

[ 2008-12-30 23:40:55 ]
Sorry, Ripley. Mother is all out of happy answers. (Also: I never realized that “project the screen on their faces” trick was quite so old.)

[ 2008-12-30 23:47:24 ]
Never trust a man with milk in his veins, for he will use his terrifying strength to–wait, that’s not what rolled-up magazines are for!!!

[ 2008-12-30 23:52:49 ]
There’s some alchemy of milk and camera angles that made that guy’s severed head look like a rubber mask for a moment. No, look, he’s back!

[ 2008-12-31 00:01:09 ]
Somehow I didn’t expect “coolant” to come in such small bottles. Maybe this is the recreational size, from Ripley’s private stash?

[ 2008-12-31 00:04:40 ]
So the cat whose existence surprised you earlier–you know, the one you almost tazed to death–suddenly has a name, and is worth your life?

[ 2008-12-31 00:07:38 ]
JUST FOLLOW THE RIVER OF MUCUS OMG

[ 2008-12-31 00:17:48 ]
This self-destruct is brought to you by your disapproving grandmother.

[ 2008-12-31 00:19:41 ]
“You BITCH!”

[ 2008-12-31 00:22:01 ]
Mother’s very disappointed in you, Ripley. The alien is too.

[ 2008-12-31 00:23:41 ]
Mother, how many times you gotta explode? Why won’t you just DIE?!

[ 2008-12-31 00:27:11 ]
Ripley’s down to her panties. Should I be excited? IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME?? (Maybe I’m gay. OH NOES)

[ 2008-12-31 00:29:19 ]
Ms. Weaver’s ass is (was?) flatter than her chest. It’s flatter than Debra Messing’s chest!

[ 2008-12-31 00:30:36 ]
ACKTHPP OMG THE ALIEN JUST TRIED TO MOLEST HER!!! WITH ITS HAND!!!

[ 2008-12-31 00:33:26 ]
Ripley repulses the alien’s advance and remains unmoved by its sultry bedroom demeanor and shameless vamping.

[ 2008-12-31 00:34:42 ]
Okay, that was WAY more crotch than I wanted to see, lady.

[ 2008-12-31 00:37:39 ]
The alien gives her another sultry come-hither stare, but Ripley’s eyes are full of DEATH. And her hands are full of toy harpoon gun.

[ 2008-12-31 00:40:59 ]
Look out! There’s a man in an odd rubber suit, clambering outside on the hull!!!! Obviously a pervert.

[ 2008-12-31 00:43:36 ]
Now she’s reclining in a caftan. And now it’s over! Now: bed. Tomorrow: New Year’s Eve!!!

[ 2008-12-31 00:44:26 ]
Now I need to rewatch Aliens. But not tonight.