Alone and Unobserved

I answered all of these calls in one hour this afternoon at the library. They are all 100% true.

Me: S— Public Library, this is Sean.
Patron: Hello, I’d like to have a book come in.
Me: . . . you mean you’d like to place a book on hold?
Patron: No, I’d like to have a book come in.
Me (completely baffled): I . . . I don’t know what that means.
Patron (sarcastically): That’s FINE. THANKS. *click*
Me:  . . . bye.

Me: S— Public Library, this is Sean.
Patron 2: Do you know what “arterial celebration” is?
Me: “Arterial celebration”?
Patron 2: NO. ArTERial celeBRAtion. S-I-L-L-I-B-R-A-T-I-O-N.
Me: Is that S as in Sam or F as in Frank?
Patron (raising voice): It’s F as in . . . FINE.
Me: So . . . F as in Frank?
Patron: NO . . . yes.
Me: I think the word you’re looking for is “atrial fibrillation.”
Patron: “Arterial fillibration”?

Me: S— Public Library, this is Sean.
Patron 3: Is your wireless card working?
Me: Our wireless card?
Patron 3: Yeah . . . sometimes your wireless doesn’t work . . . and I’ve got cancer . . . and I’m from out of state . . .
Me: As far as I know, our wireless is currently working.
Patron: . . . and is there somewhere I can sit where no one is around? I can’t be near any sneezing, or coughing . . .
Me: Unfortunately, I’m not sure where you would go to be alone in the library. With the bad weather we’re more crowded than usual. We do have a couple individual study rooms you’re welcome to use, if they’re free.
Patron 3: So you’re probably more croweded because of the weather . . . okay . . . and where do you park? I’m not going to pay . . .
Me: Well, there’s really not any free parking downtown, I’m afraid.
Patron 3: That’s why I can never go there. *click*