Through the magic of the Internet, I’m still in contact to some extent with many of the Mormon acquaintances I had at BYU. Even if I haven’t spoken or even directly corresponded with them in five years, their thoughts and episodes from their lives still show up in my Facebook feed or my Goodreads list, or are reflected in the comments, photos and FarmVille announcements of other, mutual acquaintances. One by one, of course, as their overt religiosity and conservatism has become more and more alien to me, I’ve hidden their updates or defriended them, but I don’t think it’s an exaggeration to say that hundreds of them still remain.
Today I read a former BYU friend’s review of a book on miscarriage. She writes that she is disturbed at how many of the women who had contributed their stories to the book
had thought about an abortion or actually had one. With that said, I also think that it is very telling how deeply all those women grieved even those who didn’t want their babies. I guess that only shows what a disservice we are doing to women to let them abort their babies.
A miscarriage can be a devastating event. If she has recently had one (and I have no proof that she has), I really hope she has people she can turn to for comfort. As it is, I couldn’t even come up with something non-belligerent in response to such an infantilizing view of the kind of women who seek abortions. In the end, I severed our last connection, thinking she probably didn’t need me bringing war to her doorstep over an off-topic comment in her book review.
This blog post was brought to you in part by Day Five of the Mind on Fire Group Creativity Experiment, and the Nine of Swords card in the tarot deck.
I’ve had thoughts about severing ties with a lot of the people on my facebook feed. Since last night I’ve had two people write about how much they are not looking forward to giving talks/lessons in church. I thought about commenting that they don’t have to do either thing if they don’t want to, but I’m tired of being the bad guy. I’m also pretty sick of the extremely religious/conservative updates and the Glenn Beck worship. It’s like they don’t even realize how bad people like Glenn Beck make them look.
.-= angryyoungwoman´s last blog ..happy =-.
Did you see Jon Stewart’s 13+ minute take-down of Glenn Beck the other day? Absolutely hilarious.
Sean, I adore you. I want to be just like you when I grow up.
Okay, if.
Definitely if.
This is something I’ve dealt with as well. I sometimes look over my facebook feed and have to fight the urge to comment on my most conservative friends’ updates (or just remove them from my friend list altogether). It’s hard to find the balance between respecting others’ right to believe as they choose and standing up for my own beliefs. Even though some of the things they say make me shudder, and I wonder how they could possibly believe the very words they write, I know they would feel the same about my opinions were I to post them. But still I often WANT to point out how inane they are.
I don’t find it difficult to sever those internet ties with people whom I haven’t seen or spoken to in years. It becomes harder when people that I still consider good friends start to crawl on their soapbox and spout off opinions that make no sense to me. How long can I just ignore these people’s shortcomings and love them regardless, passing it off as a mere difference of opinion? At what point will I just lose all respect for them, and make it impossible to be friends with them anymore?
I don’t know if this girl was someone you were close to or not, but the fact that you were able to simply remove her from your life without saying anything about that review that would potentially hurt her is admirable.
.-= Kristen´s last blog ..My Exit Letter =-.
god, what a thing for her to say…. (I’m thinking it was her trying to re-frame an uncomfortable thing back inside a comfortable box)
Kristen, I wouldn’t say she and I were ever really close. We were in the same ward at BYU, and she’s married to a former roommate of mine, but it’s been five or six years since I’ve seen either of them and… we’re in very different places now. I figure at this point it’s best we go our separate ways, without really hashing it out and maybe even ending up disliking each other. That’s happened, too, with former friends, and it feels worse than just drifting apart.
G, I suppose that’s probably what it was. But I’ve never understood the idea that just because women may grieve after an abortion (and I’ve heard statistics showing that a number of them do) that they shouldn’t have had the abortion at all. So it’s better for an unwanted child to be born into a potentially bad situation? I don’t get how that’s the less selfish of the two choices. :P Ah, well.
Good post Sean. I have many childhood Mormon friends, not to mention family, but most of them don’t seem to turn Facebook into a religious pulpit, and I am grateful for that. One reason I think they are this way is because they are extremely devout worshipers of their faith, and when you are, you don’t need to spout out what a good person you are. I have “de-friended” a few for things they have posted, but it takes something as vile to me as the post your friend placed in regards to abortion. If I want to debate with my friends, I would do it elsewhere, but I really do not debate (except when it comes to others trying to take away my freedoms).