Alone and Unobserved

I was at the corner store yesterday to buy a few necessities, and I ended up in line at the checkout counter behind an attractive, blond, college-age couple who were buying some random groceries.

Cashier: That’ll be thirty-seven dollars.

Woman: (Holds out credit card.)

Man: No, no, I’ll get this. (Holds out his own card.)

Cashier: Well, I have to let the guy pay, if he offers. (Smiles knowingly and takes man’s credit card.)

Me: (Teeth grinding)

What the fuck is wrong with people? “I have to let the guy pay”? What is this, the Fifties? Oh wait, it’s Utah, so yes it is. AAAAAARRRGGGGHHHH

[Note: I have no idea how the woman felt about having her offer to pay declined; I didn't see her face. She may have expected it, if they were on a date, or whatever. Still, dating norms are fucked up, too.]

My oldest younger sister—that is, I have one older sister and five younger sisters; this is the oldest of the five—is graduating today from the Mormon church’s flagship university, BYU, in molecular biology. And I am going to be there.

My mom says being such a brain has made it hard for my sister to get dates. When she meets a guy one of their first questions (because they’re students) is, “What’s your major?” And apparently, when they hear she’s studying molecular biology with an emphasis in genetics they get intimidated or something.

(Maybe that’s the reason I don’t get dates, either? Guys are intimidated by my BLAZING INTELLECT? AHAHAHAHA I kill me.)

Anyway, of course this means I’ll be on BYU campus for the first time in years. It’s bound to be an emotionally trying experience—I made a lot of memories there, and felt a lot of strong emotions, and as much as I wish I were I’m still not “over” that time in my life.

Anyway, wish me luck, and I’ll report back in the next day or do.

P.S. Sorry this has been so weird and disjointed; I’m on the bus going south to Utah County right now, and I’m writing this quickly on my phone before the battery gives out.

If you’re in or around downtown Salt Lake on Mondays, check out Local Night at Slowtrain Records. Tonight was Cub Country and Indian Headset, and Oh! Wild Birds is at the end of the month. Next week is a special treat: Portland musician Laura Gibson will be doing a free, all-ages set before her concert at The Urban Lounge. (view the full Slowtrain Local Night Calendar)

I was watching Neil Gaiman perform “Creepy Doll” on YouTube with Jonathan Coulton and Paul and Storm and I realized that I only had six Jonathan Coulton songs in my iTunes. I know! Crazy, right? So I went immediately to jonathancoulton.com and downloaded everything available. I’ve been listening to Jonathan Coulton for the past two days and wow, his music never gets old. Check. Him. Out.

Also new to my music library:

Asa (Asa)
Fire on the Mountain

It’s Not Me, It’s You (Lily Allen)
The Fear

Rooks (Shearwater)
Rooks

Tonight: Franz Ferdinand (Franz Ferdinand)
No You Girls + Send Him Away

I’m sure you’ve all heard about Utah State Senator Chris Buttars’s interview for an upcoming Prop 8 documentary, in which he said all sorts of kind things about The Gays:

They’re mean. They want to talk about being nice. They’re the meanest buggers I have ever seen.

What is the morals of a gay person? You can’t answer that because anything goes.

And this gem, about the gay movement:

It’s just like the Muslims. Muslims are good people and their religion is anti-war. But it’s been taken over by the radical side… They’re probably the greatest threat to America going down I know of.

The best part is that he made these statements to documentarist/anchor Reed Cowan—AN OPENLY GAY MAN. Real smooth, Buttars. Real smooth.

Of course, Utah Senate President Michael Waddoups is defending Buttars and trying to portray this as a “vendetta” Cowan is waging against Buttars. “It’s just unfortunate in my mind that someone wants to continue to [hurt] someone by virtue of a person’s position on the issues,” Waddoups is quoted as saying in this Salt Lake Tribune article.

Yeah, right, Waddoups. Sure, we all hate Buttars, but he’s the one who continually makes himself look like a ridiculous bigot, not us. I can’t believe this man was RE-ELECTED after last year’s debacle, and after the continuing spectacle he’s made of himself his entire time in office. Utah—and especially Utah Senate District 10—ought to be ashamed and embarrassed.

UPDATE (2-19-09, 11:36 pm)
The Utah Senate will be holding a press conference tomorrow (Friday) morning, and there are strong indications that he will at least be stripped of his committee chair–potentially leaving the way open for a slightly more gay-friendly face in the Utah Senate Judiciary Committee. Will update again after the press conference!

UPDATE (2-20-09, 10:34 am)
Well, Buttars has not resigned, but he has lost his place on the Judiciary and Judicial Confirmation Committees. More info at the Deseret News site and the Salt Lake Tribune site. Read both articles—each brings up points the other does not.

I just got word from a friend on the Hill that the anti-gay hordes have been pummeling the Governor’s Office with phone calls ever since he came out as supporting the Common Ground Initiatives and civil unions for gay couples. We need to let him know that he has supporters here in Utah—not all of us are crazy-eyed gay-hating nutjobs like Buttars & Ruzicka!

Call the Governor’s Office at 801-538-1000 and tell him you support his pro-gay positions, and thank him for being an ally.

Get out the word—chief anti-gay harpy Gayle Ruzicka has phone trees on her side, but we have the internets!

[Updated with photos and new fave signs!]

“In their statement on Prop 8, the LDS Church said they aren’t against domestic partnerships, hospital visitation rights, anti-discrimination laws. Well, we’re going to go up on the Hill and start fighting for you, for those issues. If it’s good enough for our brothers and sisters in California, it’s good enough for us right here in Utah.”

I went to the gay rights protest at Temple Square last night, and it was one of the most amazing single experiences of my life. I’ve only ever been to one other protest—an anti-war protest three years ago—and somehow, despite the massive popularity of Gay Pride every year, I never expected to be involved in such an enormous gay-rights protest in the heart of Salt Lake City. Thousands of people showed up. The Tribune says at least 3,000, the Deseret news says 3,500. My friend Craig was interviewed on ABC4 evening news (you can watch the video on his blog). We rallied at City Creek Park—kitty-corner from the Church Office Building—and then marched around Temple Square twice, waving our signs and chanting.

Signs I liked:

• [Craig's sign] Keep your doctrine out of our covenants!
• [My sign] Not here to get even—here to get EQUAL
• Thanks a lot, Mormon Church—now we have to have pre-marital sex.
• Joseph Smith had 34 wives—I only want 1 husband!
• D&C 134:4: We believe that religion is instituted of God; and that men are amenable to him, and to him only, for the exercise of it, unless their religious opinions prompt them to infringe upon the rights and liberties of others
• I pay taxes. The LDS Church does not. I’m who should be represented.

“I grew up a Mormon boy in Salt Lake, Logan and Ogden, Utah, and there were many things I treasure from my upbringing. I learned that community is important. I learned that we need to care for and love each other. . . . Unfortunately, there were other things I learned as a Mormon boy. I learned that African-Americans were inferior because the color of their skin was the Mark of Cain, given to them because of sins they committed in the previous life. I learned that gay and lesbian people (we called them “homosexuals” then) were inferior people involved in perversion. But I have overcome those bigotries, largely because of the wonderful people of your community I have come to know over the years.”

The atmosphere at the rally was electric. Three out gay state legislators spoke—Senator Scott McCoy and Reps. Jackie Biskupski and Christine Johnson—as well as former mayor Rocky Anderson. All three were inspirational, urging us not to hate but to use our fire to effect change.

I would not have believed that this many people would come out to support gay equality in Utah. But it happened. And that gives me a great deal of hope.

Every morning in my neighborhood, the meth moms come out in force, with their babies and their toddlers and their strollers. At first glance they appear to be in their thirties or even forties, but, up close, their conversation is so shockingly inane it seems they cannot be out of their teens—child-women, pushing their strollers from the halfway house to the daycare center up the street, and then heading off to work or to their recovery program. These women’s lives, their maturity and their personalities have all been arrested by the drugs. Many of them have had children taken away and husbands and boyfriends who betrayed them, and many cannot hold down a job, so a large part of their program involves learning job skills. A friend who works at one of the halfway houses told me that most of them were introduced to drugs by their boyfriends, and once they leave the safety of the program many will go back to those boyfriends and eventually back to the drugs.

From time to time they come into the library and ask for help on assignments they’ve been given, usually research on addiction and recovery. Most of the books on drugs are for teens, but sometimes the women complain that they are too hard and too complicated, that they have too may words, so we give them the kid’s books, which are full of pictures of syringes and pills. Then (because the program requires them to account for all of their time) they ask to use our phone to call and check in with the halfway house.

Utah seems to think that the solution to meth addiction is a series of embarrassing and misleading ads featuring purses, diaper bags and minivans (“Another blatant sign of a meth user in Utah”). Utah does have some frightening female addiction/arrest statistics; I just wonder how effective it is to imply that every mother in the state is a meth user.

And every morning, there the meth moms are, on the sidewalk, at the bus stop, at the TRAX station, with their babies and strollers and diaper bags.

After Christmas with my family in American Fork, a week and a half at the Tibbitts Family Manse in California and a day of driving with a friend, I’m finally back in Salt Lake City.

Things I will miss about staying in my family’s house:
My parents and little sisters. My friend Carrie. Guitar Hero marathons on Carrie’s Nintendo Wii. Having an army of people to cook for. A mother to do the grocery shopping. Mild winters.

Reasons I am enjoying being back in Salt Lake:
Living alone. Quiet time to myself. Central heating. Unfiltered internet access. Snow. Interacting with non-Mormons occasionally.*

I won’t be in town for long, though. On Thursday I’m flying to Las Vegas for another library school seminar, which (fingers crossed!) won’t be as deadly as the last one. (See: Library Seminar #1 for the incoherent details.)

I’m not the best spokesperson for National Coming Out Day, since “coming out” is something I avoid. I think I’ve only ever told a handful of people to their faces that I’m gay. Even now, when I meet someone new, I usually never actually say the words “I’m gay”—I mention a guy I’ve dated, or join a conversation about cute guys, or (and this is the easiest) just let people figure it out for themselves. Most of them do, eventually.

On the other hand, I’m a huge fan of being out. It really is the best thing ever. And, since my life would be even easier if more people were out, especially here in Utah, I selfishly advocate it for everyone. And yes, that means you.

It snowed yesterday. It started out raining, and then, as the temperature plummeted into the 30s, it turned to sleet. By afternoon it was full-on snowing. On days with good weather, one of the great things about working where I do is that you get a panoramic view of sunshine and blue skies. On days like yesterday, on the other hand, it feels like you’re trapped in a snow globe. A snow globe full of books and wet, disgruntled library patrons.

It was supposed to be “sunny and warmer” today, and since it’s not technically below freezing, I guess it is warmer. But my hands feel like they’ll never thaw out again.