Alone and Unobserved

I got back yesterday afternoon after two exhausting, up-and-down weeks on the road camping with my family. I promise I’ll tell you all about it, including how I almost died on Half Dome with my younger sister, how my family and I were almost eaten alive in the night by tarantulas, how we ate sandwiches EVERY SINGLE DAY FOR LUNCH, how we belted showtunes to keep our mother awake while she drove through Yosemite at night and how I drank coffee(!) in front of my family not once but three times(!!!). Later. But for now, here is some delightful filler!

First, some pictures of my adorable niece, Vienna, stolen (as usual) from my sister’s blog.

Second, the Inverse Astrology Test from Isocrat.org, which informs me that I’m really a Virgo, not a Scorpio like I always thought.

Your Inverse Astrology Results from Isocrat.org
Aries Mar 21 to April 19	54.8%
Taurus April 20 to May 20	51.4%
Gemini May 21 to June 21	61.1%
Cancer June 22 to July 22	50.0%
Leo July 23 to Aug 22	53.2%
Virgo Aug 23 to Sep 22	62.7%
Libra Sep 23 to Oct 22	56.8%
Scorpio Oct 23 to Nov 21	50.5%
Sagittarius Nov 22 to Dec 21	58.3%
Capricorn Dec 22 to Jan 19	53.3%
Aquarius Jan 20 to Feb 18	61.8%
Pisces Feb 19 to Mar 20	46.1%
You claim to be a Scorpio but we predicted Virgo. Please consult a parent or guardian as to your actual date of birth. Go to the Inverse Astrology Test

And third and last, a promise to write something else here within the next few days. Unfortunately I’ll be out of town (AGAIN, ack ack ack) over the weekend, so I’m not sure I’ll be able to post before Monday. But then again, MAYBE I WILL. I hope you will be satisfied with that vague, doubtfully optimistic pronouncement and come back!

I signed up for a 10-week personal fitness program this week, and today I met with my trainer and hashed out the details. Over the next two and a half months, I’ll be following a fairly regimented diet and exercise program which should help me gain ~6 lbs of muscle and lose ~16 lbs of fat, landing me at about 13% body fat—territory that my graceless, pudgy body had never before dreamed of exploring.

The trainer took a “before” picture, which, in a moment of insanity, I signed away to the program’s advertising team, thus giving them the right to publish it on their website or to plaster it all over their gym. The only way I can prevent that now is by being a dismal failure they won’t want to be associated with. (“Wow, look, this guy ballooned up to 276 lbs on their program! I guess I’ll fork out for Gold’s Gym after all.”) I’m still weighing this option.

He was distressed when I told him I was a vegetarian (“Do you eat fish?” being the obvious follow-up question), but he REALLY didn’t know what to say when I told him I ate out once a day. At least once a day. He tried for a few minutes to convince me of the wonders of sack lunches, but I wasn’t buying it.

“Bringing food from home requires forethought,” I said. And a taste for soggy sandwiches and/or leftover pasta, I did not add.

“Well, I guess we can let you keep doing that for now . . .” he said ominously.

Are my days of eating out every meal NUMBERED??? (Dun dun DUNNNN!)

Tons of fun at QUAC this morning! And by “fun,” of course I mean “overexertion followed by collapse”! Observe:

So, will I go back to QUAC, ever? Will my blood tests reveal a fatal wasting disease that explains my complete wussification? Is my favorite color blue or green? What is the difference between “semeiotics” and “semiotics”?

I guess you’ll just have to tune in next time to find out!